Beside the Point

2008-06-03T15:52:00.000-04:00

I’m back!

Uh… happy new year? That’s half over?

I had to take a break from blogging for a while. Life got in the way, school was demanding, and ultimately I just had other things to do. That’s not to say I don’t have a lot of awesome stuff going on in my life right now. In fact, life is so good at this moment that I felt I had to write about it!So here’s a rundown of some of the major points:

- I finished school! Hooray, I will have a master’s degree any minute now! I’m a little nervous because I don’t yet know how I’ll be acquiring my actual diploma. I completed all my projects, all my papers, presented at two conferences, and I’m waiting on one more grade to complete my transcript. If I’m lucky and it’s an “A,” I’ll have graduated with a 4.0. I’m proud, but I can’t help imagining that grade inflation had something to do with that.

- I turned 29! Wow, less than one year of my 20’s left. Ever. It’s a mighty big milestone on the horizon, but I feel good about it. For my birthday, the boyfriend took me up to Gloucester, MA and we went on a whale-watching boat tour. It was amazing. We probably saw 25 humpback whales, many that were right next to the boat. They are beautiful mammals.

- The cartoon that the boyfriend and I are working on is coming along, albeit slowly. Now that I am finished with school I can focus a lot of energy on this project. Last night we made a lot of progress on the story, in fact. I’m really geeked, because this creative outlet is pretty fun.

- Work is very satisfactory right now. I’m feeling highly valued (although I could $tand to be more valued, ahem$$), I get to participate and contribute to a lot of decision-making, and people have taken me quite seriously here. It’s amazing that I’ve come so far and learned so much since I’ve started this job. There were moments here and there when I wanted to tear my hair out from boredom (and often with frustration), but currently I’ve also been busy with fun projects that I’m leading or at least managing.

- I got a bike. It’s fantastic. John and I rode to Coney Island and back on Sunday, after attending a brunch and an animated short film festival with some friends.

- On a down note, I had another hard winter. Next winter I think I have to go somewhere nice and sunny and warm before I go mad. It’s essential to my mental health. Strange how my mood is so connected to weather patterns. I wish I could help that somehow.

- Going BACK to Italy in September. Can you believe it will be my second time? It will have been 6 years since the last time, though, which is kind of a depressing thought.

- I am determined to re-learn Spanish. I’m ashamed I don’t know another language. ¡Muy bien!

That’s all for now. If I’ve forgotten some update or another, I’ll be sure to add it later. ¡Hasta luego!

2007-12-18T13:20:00.000-05:00

CONGRATULATIONS!

Hooray for Jasmine and Donny and their newest member of the family, Jade! She's a cutie!

2007-12-08T16:42:00.000-05:00

JURY DUTY and a New TV

Hi all! I've been on a posting hiatus while I stress out unnecessarily about school. Really, I just haven't felt like blogging, and I think that is okay. Right now I am watching a blu-ray dvd on my new flat-screen. Well I guess it is C's new flatscreen since he bought it, but it's in my apartment and damn, it looks nice!

So over the past few weeks I was called for jury duty. I knew they were going to pick me the moment I opened my big mouth upon jury questioning. I said something and both the lawyers nodded their heads. So if you are trying to avoid jury duty, please, don't speak up. But if you are able to serve on a jury, I would advise it. Our country expects little of us as citizens, and this is one way we can participate in the fairest system of justice that the world has seen to date. That is, until someone can come up with something better.

While I was on j.d., I couldn't speak about the case. Now, I can. It was a murder trial. It was a sad and tragic murder trial, too. We found the defendant not guilty. He obviously killed a man, but that wasn't the pivotal question. Unfortunately we had to take into account his intent, and the D.A. didn't do a great job of clarifying that intent. No one can see into another person's mind, but beyond that existed some "reasonable doubt." I still feel a little odd about my choice of not guilty - after the case I started to think about ways in which the evidence was solid - but what's done is done and I guess I can't think about it anymore.

While I was deliberating we were essentially imprisoned in our jury room. We couldn't leave without being escorted, we had our lunches ordered and brought to us. We were lucky to be able to go home for the evening instead of being sequestered, which allowed me to both work and do schoolwork. We fought and argued and laughed and joked, and overall got along pretty well despite our divided opinions. In the end we came together on our decision, but for different reasons. Deliberation only lasted 2 days.

2007-11-05T16:19:00.000-05:00

I've Been Tagged

So I've been tagged for a blog meme by The Girl from Park Heights

The rules of the game are:
A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Okay step A is down. Now for part B, hmmm...

1. When I was a kid I used to get so lost in my own brain that I would miss the recess bell. I was also a loner and liked nothing more than to think and walk in circles around this one tree on the playground, for the entire duration of the recess.
2. I use a hankerchief instead of tissues. It cuts down on waste, and no you can't catch germs from yourself.
3. Most of the recorded shows on my DVR list are cartoons.
4. Many of you know all my good job and travel stories already, but for those who don't: my most awesome job ever was when I got to follow around certain politicians and their staff during the 2004 presidential elections. The only time I got to talk to candidate John Kerry was during the Super Bowl in Fargo, ND. We talked about milking cows.
5. I have Trichotillomania, but for me it isn't some weird OCD as much as it is just some really bad habit I can't stop, like biting your nails. I've learned that the key to preventing bald patches is to break the hair and get layered cuts, and always pull from the back. I'm a pro.
6. I actually like Vegemite. For real! The key is to spread it on really thin - and it's kind of like salt.
7. Sometimes when I see a structure that looks like a doorway that I can pass through (think anything with an upside down U shape) I STILL like to imagine that if I walk through it I'll come out in some other world. And I'm always a little disappointed when it doesn't happen.

Yay! I actually thought of 7 things!

Okay, I'm tagging the following people:

Jasmine, John , Joel, Justin/Jenny (as if living on a boat isn't wierd enough), Jamil, Jeff, and Dan.

I almost made it to all the J names on my list, but alas, Jax's blog hasn't been used since January. Now let's see how many of these people actually comply.

2007-10-28T11:03:00.000-04:00

My First Academic Conference

Last weekend I participated in a panel at a communications conference in upstate New York. It was a great experience. The conference itself was small and regional, and a few professors will take graduate students there to cut their teeth on the conference-going and research-presenting activities of academic life. Everything went so well the entire weekend. The two profs and the other grad student I traveled with were fun, interesting, and intelligent women and we had a blast together. That was unsurprising, as we were all brought together by similar interests in media and education and we all are living in New York after coming from more provincial places. The conference itself featured panels on interesting topics. The surrounding area was gorgeous - we were in the Catskills while all the fall colors were peaking. I was reminded after my cross-country travels this summer that upstate New York is one of the most beautiful areas of the country, especially in fall, and I don't get up there nearly as often as I should. We ate, drank, talked, went on a hike, swam, and giggled at our group versus the other conference of country line dancers that were sharing (well, dominating) the hotel space. It was a nearly perfect weekend.

Because the conference was so damn fun I'm glad I wasn't there four years ago. Over the past 5 years I've been out of college and in The Real World, I've learned to approach all new professions with caution. I foolishly jumped feet-first into the world of "art department" on-set work after one or two jobs, thinking it was the best career ever and I would always love it and always be happy doing that for life. I was aware of the job's negative aspects, sure, but I wasn't aware of how they would affect me. Well, maybe I wasn't so foolish to do that, because I learned that I shouldn't idealize. Four years ago I would have attended the conference and left in some misguided blissful reverie, certain that I would become a professor and have this amazing life. But now I've become rather aware of the limits of such work (most of these limits include money and nasty politics, and egos). If I choose to go down that road, I won't do so with some rosy vision of an impossible future. And I may not choose that path at all, but I'm glad to know that it's a possibility for me anyway. My new found caution does not distract from my good time, though. For now I can take these events as they are and enjoy those moments when everything goes so well.

2007-10-13T14:31:00.000-04:00

Expanding on That Last Post

Dan wrote: I've also often wondered how the less than fortunate deal with their lives as well. I find it curious that many people who seem to struggle the most in life are also the most religious. I wonder if they turn towards religion willingly because it's the only thing that gives them a sense of hope, or if they're simply more vulnerable to the parasitic clutches of organized religion. Perhaps it's a bit of both.

I can understand how people who are struggling may find hope in a religion that promises a rewarding afterlife. After all, if this life isn't going so well, there is opportunity to experience something better after death. My desire for a clean end comes from a fairly privileged perspective: I feel that I can try to wring the most meaning and joy out of this life before I'm ready to go. Assuming I have the chance. If you don't have nearly as much opportunity to experience comfort and security now, why wouldn't you hope to have it later? I think this hope and desire for some divine justice will lead a lot of people to embrace religion. Personally, I still think "just dying" would be just fine, because once you are dead you have no desire or regret. But whatevs.

Jeff wrote: If there is no Hell or Heaven yet we, as a species, either individually or collectively, can manifest reality from thought, would we then create a Hell or Heaven where there was once nothing? Does this make us Gods?

Can we, individually or collectively, manifest reality from thoughts? Jeff did not define exactly what he means by "reality," so I will be forced to assume that he is referring to our common experience of "reality*": that which we can experience with our five senses, in 4 dimensions (time being the fourth, of course). Can we manifest "reality" using only collective ideas? I believe that we can to an extent. Yet that requires more action than just collectively thinking about something - it requires communication, technology, even physical labor depending on what it is we are creating. That's how we've created most of our cultural traditions and ideas about how to behave and what people are like. It seems to me that outside of the actual potential reality or unreality of Heaven and Hell, our culture shares a common understanding of these concepts. Heaven and Hell as a concept or cultural manifestation is "real," in that it exists within our collective minds and ideas. But whether or not we can experience it the same way we experience our day-to-day existence remains a mystery. So I dunno, I wouldn't consider people Gods because they can come up with a collectively-understood concept such as Heaven or Hell (assuming people did invent these ideas themselves). And I don't have at my fingertips any evidence that we can manifest what I would consider "reality" from thought and I am lazy today so I'm not looking it up.

In other news: hooray for fall! Also, next weekend I'm going to be presenting a paper at an academic conference in upstate New York. Hooray for new experiences!

*Please excuse my lazy definition of reality. I don't even want to get into a philosophical discussion about the nature of reality because I am woefully undereducated when it comes to these common philosophical tropes.

2007-10-03T10:42:00.000-04:00

I’m Still an Agnostic

Sometimes when I get down about the world, I think the Buddhists are right that there is no hell, because we suffer enough throughout life, and karma punishes for our transgressions by forcing us to continue existing after death. If we’ve been very bad, we’ll be reborn into a worse situation than the one before. That makes a lot of sense to me. I’m certainly not suicidal or anything so don’t take this the wrong way, but it seems like a real, finite death would be a welcome end to a tumultuous life. If I feel this way with my fantastic life full of comfort and safety and love and luxuries, then I can’t possibly imagine how it would feel for someone who faces far more challenges and hardships. I understand why people believe in a heaven and hell – heaven cancels death, and we fear death, so not only would you be free from all the suffering in life, but you would also be free from death. Hell is punishment for those people who’ve made the world the difficult place that it is. I’m not fond of the hell idea but I can understand the heaven concept. Yet, why does a clean, finite death seem like a better option to me? Maybe this is because I can’t imagine an existence where only contentment and pleasure exist without any kind of negativity, and I certainly can’t wrap my head around the concept of “forever and ever.” It all seems unbalanced. I don’t know if there is a heaven or not – how could I possibly know that? I think there could be a God. But if I was given the choice between heaven and death (if hell were an option, who would choose that?), I’d pick death.

This post about death has been brought to you by the fall, aka, autumn.

2007-09-20T10:58:00.000-04:00

Dear Blog:

I am so sorry I've been neglecting you lately. I've thought about you often, I swear I have, but I have no excuse for withholding the attention you need or deserve. I hope that we can work through this, because I'm not ready to give up on this relationship. Are you? I assure you I will do my best to devote more time and energy to you in the future.

Lots of love,
Me

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear Blogging:

You've been good to me these past two years. You've provided me with information and entertainment during those quiet times at work and at home. You've helped me reconnect with old friends and follow their lives to a greater degree than if I had maintained communication through more "traditional means." Furthermore, you've actually made me smarter. Sure, I'm not a better writer than I was before I discovered you (that is my fault alone), but I'm more informed about current events and some basic ideas than I was before I met you. I was too busy playing around with art and video production to learn about things like habeas corpus and straw men, but thanks to you, I know about these things and much, much more. Sometimes I feel that using you for news and information is akin to learning about the world by reading only the editorials in the paper, and maybe I'd be smarter still if I only read the paper cover-to-cover. Yet many bloggers who are far more intelligent and educated than I am support their arguments with references, they point to articles, and they understand the necessity of traditional journalism. Furthermore, their discussions are more frank and honest than the paper's editorial section; unlike the editorials, the bloggers can engage the readers and the readers can participate in the discussion. When I read a blog, I feel like I'm listening to a heated conversation in a university coffee shop, but it's a conversation I can access at any time, in many different locations. I wonder what Habermas would think? Blogging, you are a blessing. However, you are also responsible for many of my bad moods. You've helped pull some wool from my eyes, and we all know that ignorance is bliss. Sometimes when I click on you, you show me things I don't want to see, things that make me sad or angry. Sometimes I have to ignore you to maintain a cheerful disposition, or sanity. But I will be hard-pressed to give you up. Even if I stopped writing, I don't know if I could stop reading. Blogging, you are an addiction. A vice and a virtue.

Just thought you should know.

Lots of love,
Me

2007-09-10T10:50:00.000-04:00

Holy Crap

Those last two posts were almost exactly the same. What is wrong with me that I can't be bothered to read one post down and not write the same damn thing? Oh well, there is a crisis at work (that has nothing to do with being bought by you-know-who) so things should at least be a little more exciting here, if not in a good way.

2007-09-09T15:40:00.000-04:00

The Truth

The truth is, I'm suffering from a nearly debilitating lack of motivation and I'm not sure how to beat it. Some of it stems from my internet addiction. Some of it comes from being out of shape. Some of it comes from my job-related ennui, and some of it is probably a result of other things altogether. So I suppose that in order to beat this, I need to work out, spend less time on the computer (yeah, I know I said I would and I DID, for a minute), find more work at work to keep me busy, and basically maintain a momentum. Um, yeah. I'll get right on that, after I check in with my blogs....

2007-08-30T09:58:00.000-04:00

I wonder what happened to my photo?

Serously. It's just...gone.

I haven't been updating much because I've been feeling somewhat unmotivated to do much since I came back from vacation. I don't know why it's been so difficult for me to get back to a more productive place, and I don't know what it will take to make that happen. But I'm going to have to, because I just started school this week, and C. and I are working on a project together aside from that, and besides, I do have to actually work every day for a living. Anyway, if my activity picks up, then my blogging may slow down. I've noticed these things seem to have an inverse relationship. Ok, on to do some things I have to do. Forward - ho!

2007-08-13T11:35:00.001-04:00

My vacation

Hi! I’m back from my trip! Yes I said I would try to post updates from the road, and I was going to do it, too, but damn was I tired just about every night and rushed just about every morning. It wasn’t the most relaxing of vacations; quite the opposite, in fact. It was, however, magnificent. There were so many unexpected moments, including the fact that we pretty much got everywhere according to schedule…almost. I thought it would take us 3 days to cross from Chicago to San Francisco. Instead, it took us 4. I stayed in San Fran for only one day rather than two, and was perfectly happy about that. But wow. Just, wow.

A few things I learned on the way:
- Espresso is everywhere now, even the middle of Podunk Nebraska. And it’s good!
- In fact, Nebraska isn’t so bad. The great plains are gorgeous.
- The desert can get really boring.
- The Great Salt Lake smells like poo, but looks good.
- The Bonneville Salt flats look like a sheet of ice in 100-degree heat. They also made me feel like I was on another planet - which is great!
- Elko, Nevada, has free internet.
- California is brown in the summer, except in the mountains, and holy crap is Lake Tahoe the prettiest shade of blue.
- In California, they take your out-of-state fruit away.
- San Francisco is not the most omigodipoopedmypants-awesome American city of all time. It’s nice, and pretty, but c’mon people! It’s not THAT fabulous.
- Seattle, however, IS that fabulous. But only when the sun is out, which isn’t often enough.
- Both cities don’t know that August is supposed to be hot.
- Highway 1 in California is really annoying to drive. Don’t listen to anyone when they tell you to drive it ‘cause it’s so scenic. You can’t get off it once you are on it.
- I am often okay with heights in most instances; however, when I am riding in the passenger side of a vehicle on a cliff’s edge, I am terrified.
- The Redwoods: Worth the whole trip.
- Mt. Renier: omigodipoopedmypants-awesome.
- My brother’s dog Maggie sure is cute.

I will have pics on photobucket soon. Not too many, as I am not one to compromise my momentum by stopping for a photo very often. But when I think of it, I can bring out the camera.

And now, back to the daily grind.

2007-07-26T16:22:00.000-04:00

The Pending Vacation

But first: Congratulations to Chrissy and Dirk!!! They just had their healthy baby boy yesterday, July 25th. His name is Ryan McGreggor.

And now... one more day! Only one more day and I finally get that long-awaited vacation. It's been too long since I've been on a substantial trip. I travelled extensively when I was working on that 2004 election series, but I was working and I mostly saw the insides of buildings and airplanes and hotels. I've been up and down the northeast by car, but those were weekend getaways. I've been back to Michigan several times, but that was time to visit family. I haven't actually been on a vacation like this since I moved to New York 4 years ago. Needless to say, I am psyched. Woo!

2007-07-24T16:06:00.000-04:00

Harry Potter and Big Drunken Shindig

Book 7 came out on Friday, and I decided it was high time I'd attended one of those midnight release parties. After all, this is the last of them, and this is also a major current collective pop culture phenomenon that I'm happy to participate in. Furthermore, I like the Harry Potter books and I couldn't wait a few more hours to get my hands on the last installment. Like so many others around the freaking WORLD, I am a Potter-head. I wish I had a magic wand and can cast lots of awesome spells. Who doesn't wish that, really?

So I dragged my non-fan friend to a "Harry Potter Party for Grown-Ups," meaning a party at an independent bookstore in SoHo full of 20 and 30-something urbanites and some alcohol. It was PACKED, and also lots of fun, and short, because at the stroke of midnight everyone hurried to get their books and go home.

2007-07-20T10:47:00.000-04:00

There's Always Something

Every year since I moved here, New York has experienced some kind of massive, crazy and often unexpected event that impacts almost everyone. Some of these events were bigger and crazier than others. 2003 featured the mighty Blackout; I moved here just in time to experience that big mess: I rode my boss's bike all the way up the west side of Manhattan, talked to many strangers, ate an orange on the sidewalk in Harlem, and finally was able to get out on the roof of my building without setting off a highly annoying alarm. Fun times, to be honest. In 2004, NYC hosted the Republican National Convention, a week-long protest extravaganza that was actually quite incredible, not to mention incredibly fun (despite the fact that the city was practically a police state). I participated in the now-infamous Critical Mass bike ride -- the one where the police arrested many of the bikers and kicked off an endless court battle. I also participated in a massive protest, and went to several events including speeches and street art. 2005 brought the transit strike, which I wrote about here and here. I suppose nothing happened in 2006.

So 2007 we have this big steam explosion in Midtown, and while it wasn't a city-wide event and didn't exactly affect everyone, it did frighten many people and interrupt our commutes for a while. I also happened to be right there, with my friend John, who had a camera and took the photo shown here. We all wondered if it was a terrorist attack, because like good American sheep we are taught to fear and even expect that sort of thing. Also, Britain experienced some exploding cars recently and I thought that maybe... but no, it was steam, and fortunately few people were injured, although many more people were scared. John and I were not too worried, although unnerved, and we did try to put some distance between ourselves and the steam before we knew what it was. The best part was when my mom called to check up on me when she heard the news:

Mom: I hear there was an explosion in Manhattan. I just wanted to find out if you were okay. I assumed you'd be back in Brooklyn right now.

Me: Nope, sorry. I'm right there. (cue sirens)

2007-07-18T11:45:00.000-04:00

Getting Ready

In a week and a half, I'm flying to Chicago to meet up with my boyfriend and from there we are going to drive aaaaallllll the way across the country to San Francisco, and then to Seattle. Holy crap am I excited. I just bought the ticket to Chicago last night. I plan to update my blog along the way, if I can feel motivated enough or distract myself enough from the awesomeness of it all. I will also be posting images to my Photobucket account. Or at least I will make a plan to do so.

This has been a summer for trips. I've already been to Boston, Baltimore, and Michigan. I had to create a seperate folder in my email for e-tickets. It's been a dream for me.

I am also excited about taking part in the crazy massive pop-culture event that is the Harry Potter book 7 release. One of the things I love about NYC is the fact that people here can throw a good party, and I expect no less from them. I hope it doesn't rain, and oh yeah, I'm bringing my camera along for sure. I planned to skip the damn thing, until recently when I realized that I probably shouldn't miss this.

Finally, I'm anxiously awaiting news about Chrissy's new baby. What will they name him?? We'll find out very soon!

2007-07-15T17:57:00.001-04:00

School Update

I'm halfway done with my master's degree! Hooray! Now I have to concentrate on the fan audience thesis I plan to write about next semester. I was doing slash fiction, but now I'm wondering if I shouldn't cross over into some other kind of fan audience territory. Even so, I'm doing an ethnographic study in August and am currently following some fan audience message boards for research, and for something to keep me busy during a slow summer at work.

Oh, and my marketing class? I got an A+. I didn't even know they gave those out.

I have a feeling, though, that this will not be my last degree. But I don't know what kind of degree will be my next one: could be anything from a PhD to a 2-year certificate to a Bachelor's or another Master's. Educating myself after work hours isn't the easiest thing to do, but I never want to stop learning, and I may want certification for my continuing educational efforts.

2007-07-10T10:19:00.000-04:00

Too much to write about

Much has transpired over the past few weeks, and it seems like whenever there's a lot of activity in my life I tend not to write about it, even when I have the time. I must feel overwhelmed by everything I want to say, so I just don't say it. Don't worry, nothing life changing has happened to me, unlike my friends who are having babies or buying apartments or moving to new cities. But there have been a great many things on my mind, and too many to put down right here right now. I will give some of them a shot, though.

For one thing, my 2nd blog-versary has passed, as has my 4-year New York anniversary. As you can tell, I like time markers. They allow me to reflect on what has transpired, my current situation, and what the future may hold for me. But the NYC anniversaries are feeling less and less monumental. Although I don't plan on staying here for much longer than 5 years, it still feels like I'm so settled in that the passage of time hardly means much anymore. It's no longer like graduating from one grade to another; it's more like the fluid forward motion of regular life.

I had more to write about the class issue stuff I wrote about below, and my fears of falling out of the middle class (probably not an uncommon fear) and everything that could transpire to make that happen. How middle class security is a sham, and I shouldn't worry about it and just do what I want, and how our current economic system is set up so that people like me with creative energy and drive are scared into working our dull day jobs rather than going out and contributing new ideas and creations because we really do have a lot to lose. And how health care is a huge part of the problem. Maybe more on that later.

I also went to visit Michigan, which was nice and relaxing. And I finished my class, which was uneventful at best.

I went to a script reading for this movie. It was funnier than expected. Juvenile penis jokes, but still funny. And Dave Foley was there!

At the top of my mind lately, though, is this damn cartoon that I've become obsessed with. I liked it at first, and then one day something snapped in my head and all of a sudden I LOVED it and I wanted to look it up all over the internet and watch it whenever I got the chance. In a way it's the same feeling I get when I read a book that captures me so intensely that I can't tear myself away: I just devour it until it's done, and when I can't read it I'm thinking about reading it, and then I research it online for a while afterwards because I'm not ready to let it go just yet. But this is torture to feel this way about a tv show, because I can only get little 20-minute injections here and there instead of watching it all at once.

I know I SHOULD be obsessing about some high art or literature, but there it is. I like cartoons :)

There are other less fun issues in my life, but now is not the time to write about them. Now it is time for me to get back to work.

2007-06-26T16:20:00.000-04:00

Class issues

I went to a family reunion this weekend, on my mom's side, and it was fun. I kayaked on the river, hung out and ate, played in the sand with the kid(s). I saw a few people I NEVER see and met some people I haven't previously met. They were all very interesting, smart, and kind. What also fascinated me was how well-educated they all were. Most of them were engineers or involved in the sciences in some capacity or another. They had nice houses and higher degrees from "good" schools. One house I visited was particularly impressive, and so were its owners: the lady of the house had worked at John's Hopkins for 43 years and was the Grande Dame of her department. She and her husband just spent a month in France, learning French.

The whole reunion inspired me to once again consider what I "want" out of life. I've concluded, previously, that I aspire to a very modest middle-class life: a job that is interesting where I feel valued and important, a house in a town a like, a car (preferably environmentally sound), pets, a connection to family (whether or not it's an immediate family), regular vacations to fascinating places, and the ability to retire at a reasonable age. I'm not asking for a whole lot, just these few basic things. I already have some of these things, like a good job, family, pets, and the ability to travel. Yet the current economy, mainly in my high COL area, makes the rest of this simple dream impossibly difficult to attain. You see, I want to be able to afford all of this on my own; in my ideal situation the help of a partner would merely be a benefit rather than a necessity. Today that almost seems like an unrealistic ideal.

I've been reading and learning a bit about cultural capital and outward signs of class. I don't mean material goods, necessarily, but markers such as educations level, job title, tastes, and activities as well as overall presentation of self. I try and have always tried NOT to conform to any kind of standard, class included. I would like to enjoy what I enjoy whether it is "highbrow" or "lowbrow." I don't want to have to pay for an expensive education just because of the name of a school, I want to drink good wine sometimes and crappy wine at other times. I want to love the Harry Potter series and not feel embarrassed about it. Yet I wonder if I have the wrong idea. I wonder if I would be more successful, and therefore realize my middle-class dream life, if I purposely projected an image of an upper-middle class member. I see all my successful relatives who are able to support themselves well, and I wonder: 1) did I pick the wrong major? and 2) is it true that if you project and image of yourself, even if it isn't completely true, you will eventually become that image? Honestly I have no interest or intention of compromising my own tastes, interests, values, ideals, or personality in general and I'm NOT going to pretend to be someone else other than me. But I wonder whether or not it would be in my best interest to perhaps play the game a little more?

2007-06-18T11:58:00.001-04:00

Crows and Computers

Yesterday was my second day volunteering at the Prospect Park Zoo. I'm not really volunteering with animals so much as with small humans, but I've decided that's quite alright, and this still counts as "volunteering with animals" just by the fact that I'm volunteering near animals. I did experience a series of conflicting feelings about this volunteer gig, first by thinking "wow this is so freaking awesome I get to see the zoo behind the scenes hooray!" and then thinking "why the hell am I doing work for free on one of my two days off?" I finally found my middle ground when I decided that action is always better than inaction, and I can learn and grow only from experience rather than from sitting around on my butt all day, as much as I'm inclined to sit on my butt. Plus, there's this really friendly crow named Sammy who knows how to say "hi," and when I go to look at him he flies over to me and taps on the glass. I would go every week just to see Sammy the crow. Aw.

Of course after wrangling 22 screaming kids at a birthday party, I ALMOST changed my mind. Almost, but not quite.

Regarding computers: I understand that I have an Internet addiction. I didn't think it could happen to me! But there I am, spending all day long at work on my computer and online, and then I come home and spend more time online. Why, oh why, do I do this? Am I avoiding something? I realized this, ironically, by reading various posts on my various message boards. Online. So I've decided to try to stay off my computer as much as possible outside of work, unless it is for school or practical purposes. I will have to do something else, which is scary to me, but my options here are: reading, schoolwork, exercises, cooking, drawing, talking on the phone, playing with the cat, relaxing, watching a movie or tv show, or hanging with friends. Of course if I didn't use my computer at all, then why the hell would I have a computer? I just have to cut back. Unlike smoking, the Internet WILL NOT kill me. At least I don't think it will. Will it?

The blog won't suffer. I mostly blog from work anyway. My summer certainly won't suffer.

2007-06-08T09:40:00.001-04:00

Summer

I don't want to jinx myself by saying this, but I'm gonna say it anyway: I'm having a damn fine spring/ early summer! It's the best one I've had in a long time, and that's saying a lot. It just seems like my weekends have been well-filled but not overfull, and my weeks are the same: a nice mix of me-time and friend-time and boyfriend-time and cat-time. I'm comfortable in my job and my class is proving to be a nice mix of easy and challenging work. I will have a little more money to play with once my raise finally kicks in, which will be in my next paycheck. And the constant sunshine certainly helps my mood!

Last night John and I walked for miles and miles around northern Manhattan. We stopped by City College, watched the soft pink sunset over the Hudson River, and hiked back by Riverside Park. We saw a pair of raccoons: a momma and baby, which is an odd sight in the middle of the city, but there they were. We stopped and had some food at Tom's Diner (otherwise known as "The Seinfeld Diner," since it's facade was used as the exterior for the diner in Seinfeld). It was gloriously simple and fun. And that's what this whole "summer" has been like so far.

2007-06-07T15:29:00.000-04:00

A break from Blogs?

I'm not taking a break from blogging, necessarily, although I haven't been updating as often as I should for various reasons. I will not provide a list of excuses, it is of course the usual stuff. But I do plan to take a little break from reading blogs. Not my friends' blogs, but the many other topical blogs that I haven't linked to here. The state of the union and the current administration are causing great negativity and strife online and while these issues are important, I feel burnt out. It's summer, the sun is shining, and while I don't want to bury my head in the sand I do want to enjoy myself a little bit without freaking out about Cheney's latest assholery or Bush's push to invade Iran. I do want to stay informed, but I don't want to be continually bummed out. I already had to step back from the gender wars because they were making me so angry, sad, and misanthropic. I am glad I have these blogs, though. They've educated and informed me, they've opened my eyes to new ideas, they've made me feel connected to the world and the political pulse. I've been changed by what I've read and I feel I'm a better person because of them. I'll still read them, what else have I got to do during all my downtime at work (uh, study? blog?). I just won't read them AS MUCH. I'll stick to the more light, fluffy, fun stuff like Cute Overload. Cute puppies and kittens are always uplifting.

In other life updates: I am going to start volunteering at the Prospect Park Zoo very soon. Yay! My friend John (new here) got a job! Double-yay! I started my online class and it appears to be fairly simple, except for that critical paper I have to write this weekend, but even so, it's not too bad. And I was invited to participate in an academic panel on audiences in the fall. Nervous-Yay!

2007-05-29T18:19:00.000-04:00

New Camera!

Hey everybody! I have a new camera! You know what that means...

MORE KITTY PICTURES

Oh yeah.

2007-05-21T18:27:00.001-04:00

School's Out!

All I have to do now is re-read my paper, at work, and send it via email, at work, and I'm done! Semester 2 is in the bag.

That leaves me with a minor dilemma: what the hell do I do with my extra time for the next few weeks? I came home today dazed: it's Monday night, I should be heading to class. Instead I come home and chase the cat, and wonder whether I should go down the street and buy some coffee beans. Sounds nice but I'm really unnerved by all this extra time. I suppose now is when I should buy that digital camera and take pictures of stuff to post on my blog. I should probably also draw.

There is another dilemma I face, that many of us face. After work I feel like doing very little of anything that requires much mental effort. Which is odd, because my work doesn't require much mental effort. But all that non-effort still drains me somehow. Class tends to spark my intellectual second wind, but outside of class I have little motivation to do mental work, aside from reading or blogging (heh).

In a few weeks, though, I will start my summer class. This class will be almost entirely held online. This will be a test of my motivation, because it's far easier to go sit through a 3-hour class discussion/lecture even if you don't feel up to it, simply by going down to the campus sitting your butt in your chair. Not only will I now have to contend with warm, sunny summer weather, but I may also have to deal with online class meetings. Or however its held. I have no idea; I guess I'll find out.

Time to get that coffee. And chase the cat some more.

2007-05-18T17:04:00.000-04:00

Information Architecture

Does anyone reading this know anything about IA? I ask because I had the best time at work when I was planning and creating the website, but otherwise it was pretty sleepy 'round there. Anyway, I've been looking up IA lately and it seems like an interesting thing to get into, and could be a logical next-step from where I currently am.

Anyway, it's just an idea. If I get any more serious about it, I may take a course or two, although I don't know how I'd be able to work that out with my graduate school and everything else I want to do. Argh. I feel like I'm in such a hurry, and in a way I am, because I'm giving myself 1 year and 4 months here in NY.

In other news, I can't believe it's another Friday. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in these time loops, where time leaps forward and it's forever the same day or time. Have I written about this before? When life really sucks I feel like it's always Monday morning, but right now I feel like it's always Friday. I suppose I could have it worse.

Alright, it's cold, and I'm outta here.