Class issues

I went to a family reunion this weekend, on my mom's side, and it was fun. I kayaked on the river, hung out and ate, played in the sand with the kid(s). I saw a few people I NEVER see and met some people I haven't previously met. They were all very interesting, smart, and kind. What also fascinated me was how well-educated they all were. Most of them were engineers or involved in the sciences in some capacity or another. They had nice houses and higher degrees from "good" schools. One house I visited was particularly impressive, and so were its owners: the lady of the house had worked at John's Hopkins for 43 years and was the Grande Dame of her department. She and her husband just spent a month in France, learning French.

The whole reunion inspired me to once again consider what I "want" out of life. I've concluded, previously, that I aspire to a very modest middle-class life: a job that is interesting where I feel valued and important, a house in a town a like, a car (preferably environmentally sound), pets, a connection to family (whether or not it's an immediate family), regular vacations to fascinating places, and the ability to retire at a reasonable age. I'm not asking for a whole lot, just these few basic things. I already have some of these things, like a good job, family, pets, and the ability to travel. Yet the current economy, mainly in my high COL area, makes the rest of this simple dream impossibly difficult to attain. You see, I want to be able to afford all of this on my own; in my ideal situation the help of a partner would merely be a benefit rather than a necessity. Today that almost seems like an unrealistic ideal.

I've been reading and learning a bit about cultural capital and outward signs of class. I don't mean material goods, necessarily, but markers such as educations level, job title, tastes, and activities as well as overall presentation of self. I try and have always tried NOT to conform to any kind of standard, class included. I would like to enjoy what I enjoy whether it is "highbrow" or "lowbrow." I don't want to have to pay for an expensive education just because of the name of a school, I want to drink good wine sometimes and crappy wine at other times. I want to love the Harry Potter series and not feel embarrassed about it. Yet I wonder if I have the wrong idea. I wonder if I would be more successful, and therefore realize my middle-class dream life, if I purposely projected an image of an upper-middle class member. I see all my successful relatives who are able to support themselves well, and I wonder: 1) did I pick the wrong major? and 2) is it true that if you project and image of yourself, even if it isn't completely true, you will eventually become that image? Honestly I have no interest or intention of compromising my own tastes, interests, values, ideals, or personality in general and I'm NOT going to pretend to be someone else other than me. But I wonder whether or not it would be in my best interest to perhaps play the game a little more?

Crows and Computers

Yesterday was my second day volunteering at the Prospect Park Zoo. I'm not really volunteering with animals so much as with small humans, but I've decided that's quite alright, and this still counts as "volunteering with animals" just by the fact that I'm volunteering near animals. I did experience a series of conflicting feelings about this volunteer gig, first by thinking "wow this is so freaking awesome I get to see the zoo behind the scenes hooray!" and then thinking "why the hell am I doing work for free on one of my two days off?" I finally found my middle ground when I decided that action is always better than inaction, and I can learn and grow only from experience rather than from sitting around on my butt all day, as much as I'm inclined to sit on my butt. Plus, there's this really friendly crow named Sammy who knows how to say "hi," and when I go to look at him he flies over to me and taps on the glass. I would go every week just to see Sammy the crow. Aw.

Of course after wrangling 22 screaming kids at a birthday party, I ALMOST changed my mind. Almost, but not quite.

Regarding computers: I understand that I have an Internet addiction. I didn't think it could happen to me! But there I am, spending all day long at work on my computer and online, and then I come home and spend more time online. Why, oh why, do I do this? Am I avoiding something? I realized this, ironically, by reading various posts on my various message boards. Online. So I've decided to try to stay off my computer as much as possible outside of work, unless it is for school or practical purposes. I will have to do something else, which is scary to me, but my options here are: reading, schoolwork, exercises, cooking, drawing, talking on the phone, playing with the cat, relaxing, watching a movie or tv show, or hanging with friends. Of course if I didn't use my computer at all, then why the hell would I have a computer? I just have to cut back. Unlike smoking, the Internet WILL NOT kill me. At least I don't think it will. Will it?

The blog won't suffer. I mostly blog from work anyway. My summer certainly won't suffer.

Summer

I don't want to jinx myself by saying this, but I'm gonna say it anyway: I'm having a damn fine spring/ early summer! It's the best one I've had in a long time, and that's saying a lot. It just seems like my weekends have been well-filled but not overfull, and my weeks are the same: a nice mix of me-time and friend-time and boyfriend-time and cat-time. I'm comfortable in my job and my class is proving to be a nice mix of easy and challenging work. I will have a little more money to play with once my raise finally kicks in, which will be in my next paycheck. And the constant sunshine certainly helps my mood!

Last night John and I walked for miles and miles around northern Manhattan. We stopped by City College, watched the soft pink sunset over the Hudson River, and hiked back by Riverside Park. We saw a pair of raccoons: a momma and baby, which is an odd sight in the middle of the city, but there they were. We stopped and had some food at Tom's Diner (otherwise known as "The Seinfeld Diner," since it's facade was used as the exterior for the diner in Seinfeld). It was gloriously simple and fun. And that's what this whole "summer" has been like so far.

A break from Blogs?

I'm not taking a break from blogging, necessarily, although I haven't been updating as often as I should for various reasons. I will not provide a list of excuses, it is of course the usual stuff. But I do plan to take a little break from reading blogs. Not my friends' blogs, but the many other topical blogs that I haven't linked to here. The state of the union and the current administration are causing great negativity and strife online and while these issues are important, I feel burnt out. It's summer, the sun is shining, and while I don't want to bury my head in the sand I do want to enjoy myself a little bit without freaking out about Cheney's latest assholery or Bush's push to invade Iran. I do want to stay informed, but I don't want to be continually bummed out. I already had to step back from the gender wars because they were making me so angry, sad, and misanthropic. I am glad I have these blogs, though. They've educated and informed me, they've opened my eyes to new ideas, they've made me feel connected to the world and the political pulse. I've been changed by what I've read and I feel I'm a better person because of them. I'll still read them, what else have I got to do during all my downtime at work (uh, study? blog?). I just won't read them AS MUCH. I'll stick to the more light, fluffy, fun stuff like Cute Overload. Cute puppies and kittens are always uplifting.

In other life updates: I am going to start volunteering at the Prospect Park Zoo very soon. Yay! My friend John (new here) got a job! Double-yay! I started my online class and it appears to be fairly simple, except for that critical paper I have to write this weekend, but even so, it's not too bad. And I was invited to participate in an academic panel on audiences in the fall. Nervous-Yay!