Feeling young and old

Today I saw a program about the “internet generation,” that is, the young people who grew up “online.” They are nearly in college now. And then I read some quote in my good old publication the WSJ by some kid, a sophomore in college, who said his generation “grew up reading Harry Potter.” Wha??? Harry Potter came out when I was in college! And then there is the girl in my grad classes that graduated from high school the year I left undergrad. And I took 5 years in undergrad! Today I stood at the bathroom mirror and examined the fine cracks in my face. They’re small and hardly noticeable, but they’re there. I am feeling somewhat older today, and I’m not yet 30!

I took 5 years to graduate college not because I was failing classes and not because I was taking a program that required 5 years, but because I wanted to take my time. I was in no rush to move on with my life; I wasn’t about to let societal expectations dictate whether or not I was ready. I would make that choice based on my own pace, and I was fine with that. I still feel that way. Yet I look around at people the same age or younger than me who have passed certain checkpoints of adulthood that I have not and I feel somewhat conflicted. I know I’m not ready for that life, but I can’t avoid that subtle pressure from without and within to be in the same place as my peers. After all, that’s how we grew up. We all went from grade to grade together, we passed puberty together, we went from freshman to varsity together (so to speak… I never did sports), we went on to college together. It takes some adjusting, then, to understand that the rest of our lives will be much more varied.

When I can easily recall days without personal computers and even without WINDOWS, when the hottest Hollywood starlets are younger than me, when I remember playing the first Atari, I feel somewhat old. At the same time, I’m still living like a student in a tiny apartment that I won’t furnish lavishly because I’m still a transient. I still go out to bars and I’m the baby in the office. These times, I feel young. I’ll continue to live life how I choose to live it according to my own personal timeline, but I feel that it will be more of an internal struggle these days.

Have I really neglected to post for 3 weeks? It's true, so true. I could say it's because I'm working away at my paper and studying for my tests, but the truth is that I manage my time pretty well. The real reason is that I've gotten very involved in certain online games and a new message board in addition to school and work. Never fear, though, I've balanced it all out.

I can't believe it's the end of 2006, by the way. What a fast year! I feel like it was just December 2005. I think that my new year's resolutions will actually be realized next year. Seriously! I've already signed up for orientation to volunteer with animals, and I've promised a website re-design for my work. Funny how these things work out.

On the other hand, I've started grad school and I got that full-time job with benefits I so dearly wanted, so that's all good.

This is an uninspired post because I haven't been feeling the blogging thing yet. No matter. I'll get back into it, er, once that paper is done (I swear!)