Tomorrow

I can't believe I start school tomorrow. Already. I don't even know how to find my class! I don't have books! I don't have supplies!
Eh. I'll get books after class and supplies tonight. No worries.
I still feel uneasy about the whole thing. Again, I can break away from it if need be to no great expense on my part, although if I do break away I don't know what I'd do with myself. I feel like I have cold feet. Maybe these are just pre-class nerves. But as my 2 commenters and other friends recommended, I won't neglect my instinct. Instead, I'll keep it in mind, but I also won't allow my doubts to prevent me from even trying.

The Wrong Direction

Today I went to my college orientation. After it was all over I went to hop on a bus bound for my train home. However, since I'm somewhat unfamiliar with the area I managed to board a bus headed the wrong direction! That area of Brooklyn is not the area one wants to be lost after dark, and my bus's destination happened to be on of the all-time worst areas of them all. Fortunately I didn't get too far before I realized my error and hopped off again, and I was near enough to the college to find my way back (not that I wasn't nervous, because there was a moment where I doubted my sense of direction).
It was that very same feeling, that I am headed in the wrong direction, that sat stewing in the pit of my stomach during this orientation. I'm not so sure this program is right for me. I met some of my fellow students, who were quite friendly, but somehow I just didn't feel like I fit in. Is this where I should be? Or not? I suppose I'll go to class and find out, but at the moment I can't shake this nagging uncertainty.
On the other hand, it was so great to be on campus, albeit a small campus like Brooklyn's. It's quiet and pretty, and I'll be happy to spend some time there whenever possible. Maybe it will grow on me, and even if it doesn't I can move on to something else.

Acupuncture

Today I tried acupuncture for the first time. For years I've been suffering stomach problems and none of my doctors seemed to give a crap, so I thought I may give alternative medicine a shot. I was nervous, of course, because I've always hated it when people stick needles in me, and here I was, about to let some stranger stick about 20 needles in me and then leave them there for god knows how long. Anyway, the needling wasn't so bad, and it did have some effect. That is, it made me feel lightheaded and calm. Actually I felt pretty damn good. Floaty, pleasant, ahhhh.
That is, until it came time for the "cupping."
I was fully aware of cupping prior to this session. I knew it would bruise, I knew it would be strange, but I didn't know that it was so damn uncomfortable! The needling I can understand, but the cupping is beyond me. No thank you, sir. I suppose it's part of procedure and if it won't kill me I'll go along, but I wish I could just opt out.
And finally, the doc told me he wanted me to come in six more times as soon as possible. This particular session cost me $180 (about, oh, $130 more than I was told). That includes the herbs. The next sessions will cost about $80 each. Now, it's not as though I don't have the money, because I have it right here. It's just... well... that's $480 dollars (not counting today). That's just about 1 month's rent. I could buy a new digital camera to replace my currently worthless digital camera. I could buy a lot of sorely needed new clothes to replace my current batch of over-worn attire. I could buy a trip to Michigan or elsewhere and back. I could do a combination of any of these things!
At first I thought "fuck that shit, I'm not going back," but now I'm reconsidering. I mean, if it did help my IBS, wouldn't that be worth it? But what if it doesn't? Do I chalk it up to another "life experience?" Or was that one time experience enough? Should I, shouldn't I, what to do??

Big Girl

Today I lead an actual meeting. It's not something that will happen often, but it felt monumental nonetheless. Originally I was supposed to hold this meeting with three other people (besides me), but somewhat unbeknownst to me, those three people decided to invite their entire teams and it turned into a multi-platform sales pow-wow. And here I was, for some weird reason, at the steering wheel. I think I did okay, besides the fact that I was sweating and beet red the entire time, but I left feeling like we actually made some progress and whoa! Look at me, leading some meeting in some corporate boardroom in New York City for some bigshot company! Now if only I was actually a big shot... but then, holding a meeting wouldn't be such a big deal. I love me some novelty.

On another note, I just finished reading Barbara Ehrenreich's new depressing novel "Bait and Switch," all about the perils of white-collar unemployment and how damn hard it is to break into the corporate world. The book was humorous, sad, and eerily illuminating. Predictably, I identified with some aspects of Barbara's failed job search. God knows it took me years to land a full-time job. Granted, I wasn't trying for a while, so it really took me about exactly a year from when I decided I even wanted a full-time job to actually get one, which is still a long freakin' time. If nothing else, the book informed me that I have some sort of unique position in my corporate life. I work for a major news publication (that happens to have a radio division), so I belong to a union although many corporations are systematically opposed to unions. (On a side note, the union was not able to prevent the latest outsourcing to India). There's little competition in my division, my hours are a reasonable 8 hours with lunch, and the pace of the work is more than manageable. As I've said time and again, I love my job, and now I'm afraid that there's no other job out there like it in the whole world! Oh my god, what does that mean for my future!? Eh. I'm not going to worry right now; I'm just going to enjoy it while I can.

Coming Soon

2.5 more weeks until school starts and another phase of my life will begin. This time be very unlike the first go-round, and that's rather unfortunate because my undergrad days were heavenly. This seems especially true with each passing day. Time tends to amplify a memory's positive or negative qualities, and often results in an idealized version of events or an exaggerated nightmare. The older I get, the better my old CMU days look.
I suppose that's why I forked over the 35 dollars to be an alumni. That, and the bennies, and hey - I can spare 35 bucks for my old institution, can't I?
I wonder how I'll view New York years down the road? I hope my memories will hold more subtlety. To be fair, I can remember the ups and downs of college, but I remember them against the backdrop of the "real world," which is undoubtedly less fun and exciting due to the sheer fact that age diminishes the feeling of novelty, and jobs are always repetitive.

School of Life

Having spent most of my life so far in school, following the school year schedule, it only makes sense that I continue to divide my life into semesters, summers, and Christmas breaks. I spent 5 years in college and I probably will have spent an equivalent 5 years in NYC by the time I’m done here. The other day I thought I’d look back at my past years as if life were a school, and what classes have I taken?

FRESHMEN YEAR(2003-2004):

Semester 1: The Office PA: I learned about bad bosses, the structure of a shoot and production company policy.
Navigating New York.
Socially: I discovered the Tavern and the social dynamics of the set.

Semester 2: Inside Politics and the Political Press: Here I learned firsthand about the democratic process in presidential campaigns, as well as the press’s role. I also learned that politics and the press aren’t so different. They are both party animals.
Documentary Filmmaking 101
Art and Design for the Set I: Mostly I was an apprentice. I did a little Illustrator work, but more often than not I just ran around buying things. Also, I created expense reports.
Socially, this semester was pretty awesome. There was dating, friends, and a sweet new apartment in a cool neighborhood.

Summer: The Indie Feature Film: Something everyone should do. It’s nuts. I also had a summer romance and protested the Republican National Convention. My phys ed requirement was filled with Biking in the City

SOPHOMORE YEAR (2004-2005):

Semester 1: Art and Design for the Set Part II: More shopping, but some management. In this class I worked on creating budgets and team leadership. Also, there were lessons on the personal and fiscal drawbacks of working in a party profession.
Socially, there was more unsuccessful dating. I began to chat up some guy from Michigan on the phone.

Semester 2: Michigan guy turned into my boyfriend! Woo hoo!
Health Insurance 208: policies for the underemployed and underpaid.
Temping and the Corporate Environment
The Political and Personal Blogsphere
This semester I decided to change my major, but I didn’t know what I wanted to change it to, so I continued with a little Art and Design for the Set III but hardly went to class. Mostly I moped.

Summer: French I, didn’t learn much at all. I wasn't too fond of my Props for Photography prof. Socially I learned how to deal with depression and the quarter-year-crisis.

JUNIOR YEAR(2005-2006):

Semester 1: Non-Profit Arts Administration: Focus on education administration.
Opera Basics
Intro to Yoga
At the end of the semester I applied for the Graduate Program.

Semester 2: More Arts Admin
How to Have a Successful Job Interview
Radio Networks, Audience Research, and Basic Websites

Summer: This summer, I just worked and played. There isn’t any class. I am learning to manage a few personal issues, but mostly it’s just easy.

FIRST SENIOR YEAR (2006-2007):
Next semester I start a real, actual semester of Grad school. My classes are Intro to Grad Study and Radio and TV Regulation, and those are “traditional” classes with actual professors. And maybe I’ll have another real world class or two on the side. Who knows?

Urban Exposure

The other day, the BF brought home seasons 1 and 2 of the classic 90's television show, Northern Exposure. Northern Exposure chronicles the adventures of Joel, an uppity, egomaniacal, selfish young New Yorker fresh out of medical school who heads to Alaska to spend 4 years working off a mountain of student loan debt. He's placed against his will in the tiny town of Cicily, population 800-something, full of quirky characters that make the show so charming.
The first several episodes revolve around Joel's culture shock. Like any true New Yorker, he loathes the idea of living anywhere outside New York. And Cicily seems like the most anti-New York town that could possibly exist. It's tiny, it's secluded, it's out of touch, and it's surrounded by some of the most breathtaking natural beauty in existence.
Yet, as we were watching, we began to wonder if maybe New York has more in common with this fictional mountain town than it does with most of America. This thought first occurred to me when Joel was having trouble controlling the water pressure and temperature of his shower and I cried out, "he should be used to that in New York!" I then realized that just as one must "rough it" in a small Alaskan village, there is a certain amount of "roughing it" that occurs in New York City. It's not exactly easy-peasy to muscle your way into the subway on rush hour every day. There's little ease involved in the extreme social Darwinism that is New York business and real estate. NYC may have abundant resources but it is certainly not an effortless place to live. Middle America is much simpler. In fact, here are a few more ways that New York and Cicily may find common ground:
Cicly: If you go out alone at night, there's a chance you may be mauled by a large, angry animal
New York: If you go out alone at night, there's a chance you may be mauled by a large, angry human
Cicily: Many of the homes are have poor plumbing, large rodents, and general disrepair
New York: Many of the homes are have poor plumbing, large rodents, and general disrepair
Cicily: It takes a long time to get to the nearest town
New York: It takes probably just as long to get out of the damn city and into the nearest town
Cicily: It's secluded
New York: It's easy to feel secluded, even among all those people
Cicily: The supermarket, bar, general store, doctor's office, post office, etc. are all within walking distance of one another
New York: Ditto, except for work, which is probably 45 minutes to an hour away
Cicily: Off-beat but friendly locals
New York: Off-beat, and yes they are friendly, locals

There's probably a few things I'm missing here. Of course, these two places are obviously different. Cicily has clean air and no crowds, and New York has a limitless amount of opportunity for work and play. Cicily is quiet, New York is loud. They are two extremes, and I suppose that's their most common ground of all.

Time

Like so many before me, I'm amazed at the speed of time. I try not to wish away the hours, yet it happens. I've tried many ways to slow the process... variety works best.
Maybe I'm just shocked that today is Wednesday.

Nothing Special

Again I wonder, why does it take me a week to post a blog entry? Why? Today I am posting out of guilt for not having posted, and although I have plenty to say I won't say it today, because I'm too damn worn out from a busy day at work and I plan to go home and RELAX! REEEELLLLLAAAAAXXXXX!!! Besides, I just got over an annoying summer cold, and it's hot out, and whaaaaa! Again, it's a big case of lazy disease.

So what did I come on here to say? NOTHING!

Well, maybe a little. Maybe when I get up to it I will describe the crazy home video of Hurricane Katrina that I watched yesterday. Or, maybe not. Pfft!