I'm too tired to post.

It's almost time to go home! I'm just waiting for my BF to get through with his job so we can drive back to Michigan together (fortunately we are both from MI). It will be a long hike, but a good one; I've always enjoyed long drives. Especially now that I don't drive often. Anyway, I will not be here in New York for the new year this time. The past two new years I spent here and while they were both good (the first year being considerably better than the second), I'd rather spend this New Year's Eve with people I truly care about rather than people who can throw a good loft-party. I'll likely be hittin' the streets of Grand Rapids with the veritable John Class. Or chillin in Muskeogen with the BF. Or both, in some manner.

Well maybe not that crazy; just annoying.

STRIKE!!!

And, it's on... the Transit strike. This place is going nuts. Thousands and perhaps more than few million people are walking miles to work in the freezing cold. I just saw some footage of Manhattan traffic... the whole island is packed. There is no parking. Up until 11 am (now) all cars with less than 4 people were turned away from bridges and tunnels going into Manhattan. Cabs charge special fares and pick up several people at once. I am working from home... there is no way I'd walk 8 miles to work and 8 miles back home in this weather when everything I must do I can do here. The traffic out my window is always light, and it's still not heavy today, so from my warm seat at my home computer I'd never know anything was wrong out there. I have to go out eventually though. I'll check out the mayhem.
Every year I've been here it's been something.
Year 1: the blackout
Year 2: the Republican National Convention (the city was turned into a police state/carnival)
Year 3: the Transit Strike
Hell, at least it's interesting, right?

Well that was a mistake. I should have known better than to try to shop on a Sunday before Christmas in New York. There are too many freakin' people in this city! You know, I think I'll take a little trip to Barnes and Noble during work tomorrow. Most of the stuff I want to get are books anyway.

I hate shopping.

The strike was postponed until Monday night. Yet it's Sunday and they are standing firm. What's going to happen?? The suspense! The drama! The complete and utter inconvenience! I can't wait to get out of here.
I have to go Christmas shopping which means I have to go outside, and that's taking all my powers of motivation. Damn winter. I like snow and all, but these cold and dreary days are killing me. They are making me the most boring person alive. I could do things, but things require effort.
Well, here goes...

Holy crap!

I was actually able to log onto blogger at work! This is a first, I believe.

Fortunately, the computer people here are going to upgrade my system. It is currently the only Windows 95 system in existence. I'm almost sad to put it down, being it's the last of its species.

On Dependence

I chose to move to New York City (in part) due to the allure of freedom and “independence.” I found myself actively chasing this very American idea of “independence” for my five years of college and the few years following. As a result I broke up with boyfriends, I opted out of full-time work, and I shied away from anything that required a degree of responsibility or commitment. The exception to the rule was, of course, apartments, but leases are easily broken. One commitment I was more than happy to abandon was a commitment to an automobile. New York’s transit system offered freedom of transportation unique to a country dependent on cars. America’s dependence on the automobile has always irritated me. In most places within the United States a car is as much a necessity as food and shelter. Yet cars are a great expense, both to purchase and to maintain, and of course we are all affected by gas prices. Not only must we heat our homes, we must feed our vehicles lest we are unable to get to work or visit the supermarket. Yet, what if a car is a severe strain on your budget? Many people find that cars are a tremendous financial burden thanks to the astronomical price of oil or low wages. Why must they be so necessary? Why must we depend upon something that should, in theory, be an option? I’ve never felt comfortable with the idea of vehicle as necessity; I’ve always felt car ownership should be a choice, especially for those with small incomes or great debt or an environmental conscious.
One of the great things about New York is its public transportation system. It’s the largest in the United States and it transports millions a day. Sure, the subways are smelly and crowded during rush hour, and sure, it takes me 45 minutes to travel from my home in Brooklyn to my job at Lincoln Center. Yet I do not have to own a vehicle. As a matter of fact, many native New Yorkers don’t have driver’s licenses or else they wait for years to learn how to drive. Owning a car here is more of an inconvenience than a necessity, due to lack of parking space, hefty fines, wear and tear, and the general sluggishness of traffic and frustration of driving in the city. Public transportation is reliable, predictable, and stable. Until today. Today New York is facing a transit strike. The MTA experienced a budget surplus this year and was extremely vocal about it. Now the workers are requesting a share of the extra money. Tonight at 12am they will walk off the job unless an agreement is reached in the next 14 hours.
If this happens there is no way I will opt to walk 5-7 miles in the bitter cold to work and back. Once again I am facing the possibility that I will have little option as far as transportation is concerned. This event has made me consider the idea of dependency, and I’ve come to realize that I can’t avoid it, and that’s okay. Over the years I’ve begun to understand that people must depend upon one another in order to live full lives. I depend on the MTA to take me to work. I depend on my landlord to provide me with a place to stay, and he depends on me to pay for my lodging. I depend on work to provide me with the compensation necessary to maintain my living situation (however minimalist it may be), and work depends on me to add to its productivity and forward motion. My friends and family depend on me for companionship, and I depend on them. At this point in my life I care little about complete “independence” because it seems like a lonely, shallow existence. I’m no longer seeking such independence in my personal life, and I’m no longer afraid of commitment. Commitments are investments of time and energy and they often result in a richer life experience.
If the MTA strikes I will miss it, because I need it. This doesn’t mean that I now support America’s dependence on the automobile. I still wish there were more transportation options in our communities. Options offer us a certain type of independence, but that “independence” does not mean freedom from responsibility. Independence is the ability to choose one’s commitments.

This is the little Christmas card I created (for my parents from the kids? I dunno). Anyway, it's my three bro's, me, and my sister in law who is a physician's assistant, thus the blood. I stole the idea from my friend's husband's website because he had a custom-made South Park character on his site. So I made my own little Photoshop South Park versions of my family. Then I found out you can actually do it online. Funny that.

I think I may make a point of doing more mock stuff. It's fun and I can be much funnier when mocking other peoples' creations.

PET PEEVES and MORE DREAMS

My subconscious mind contains a collection of all genre of films just to play in my head while I'm sleeping. They are all my own creation, choose-your-own-adventure, often starring me but occasionally starring someone else. Last night was the action-adventure saga of me traveling to a country where women are forced to wear veils, are not allowed to drive or venture out alone, must have a male "supervisor," etc etc. I was joining a group of women fighting for the rights of the woman in this country. Long story short... I was there, it sucked, I had no rights or freedoms. I lied and manipulated in order to retain any sort of personal freedom. I ran off by myself to explore some gigantic mountain-sized hotel that seemed cool. The dream ended with me narrowly escaping death at the hands of some righteous men with machine guns. I woke up thinking "whew, good thing this isn't real!" and then it occurred to me... "yes, this is real, this is going on in the world somewhere, holy shit." It's moments like those that make me so angry with the human race. Then today I found this story from three years ago. Supposedly the Saudi Arabia religious police (yes, there is a "religious police") barred rescue workers from saving 15 girls from a burning school because the girls didn't stop to put on their veils. Result: all dead. Why did this happen? Because it was "sinful" for the men to approach the uncovered women. I suppose they feel that a pious early death is preferable to fucking it all up and going to hell, but it wasn't exactly the girls' choice now was it? How kind of the religious police to look out for everyone's immortality like that.

Now, this leads me to a great big pet peeve. In this particular situation it applies to male/female relationships, but it also may also apply to race relations or foreign relations or any two people who happen to be in different situations. Example:

Woman: (talks about some female issue, like periods or bras or having to deal with sexism in the workplace)

Man: Wow, I'm so glad I'm not a woman!

Me: Is that so? Then maybe you could say something more like "wow, women have to deal with so much more shit than I do. I really admire that so many of you can be such well-composed and successful human beings." Or even "I don't always realize what women must deal with because I don't deal with the same issues. Perhaps I will be have more empathy for women from now on." Instead, it feels more like "gee, looking at your life makes me realize how great mine really is. Thanks!" No one wants to be on the receiving end of that sentiment. Let me take this a step further and compare it to that good old American Thanksgiving tradition of "being grateful for what we've got, because so many people out there have so little." Perhaps, we should instead look at those who are suffering more than we are and be angry at the injustice. Or maybe we should look at them and admire them for their ability to thrive in adversity. Comparing ourselves to others in order to feel better about our lives is selfish and unproductive.

Ta Da (part II)!!!

I completed my first application! Syracuse University. Well, it's almost complete since I have to send a form to Central requesting transcripts, I must send in my GRE scores, and my profs have to hold up their end and send in their recommendations. I trust they will do it. They all have vested interest in my success, and the one that doesn't have a vested interest likes me enough to want to see me succeed. It's a warm, fuzzy feeling. Letting go of $65 wasn't warm and fuzzy, but my parents are actually paying for these applications as a Christmas gift to me. Hooray for mom and dad!

Only a few more apps to go. Here are the definite remaining candidates: Temple University in Philly, Fordham University in the Bronx (yes, folks, the Bronx, and yes it's Catholic), and SUNY either Buffalo, Brockport, or Albany (I've yet to make a decision). Now for the maybes: Maybe U of Washington in Seattle, maybe MSU, maybe the New School (though probably not anymore b/c it's in the middle of Manhattan and offers pennies for financial aid), maybe somewhere somewhere in Texas, maybe CUNY, and maybe somewhere like Kent State in Ohio. I'd love to try Stanford but it's too damn expensive, the app is $125, and I'd be competing with all those grads from first-rate research institutions and ivy league schools. I really want to go somewhere that will offer me the right price, either by way of financial aid or cheap tuition. Any suggestions? If all else fails, I can always head back to good old CMU. Not that I don't like CMU, it's great, but I'd like a little variety in my studies.

My roommate keeps running back and forth from his room to the living room groaning loudly. I think either he's having computer problems or his sports team is losing. Maybe both. What a sad evening. Oh, now he's yelling at the computer. That solves that mystery.

Poor guy, he lost his entire hard drive. That's gotta suck. It's like having a house fire and everything is destroyed. Think about it: people keep all kinds of valuable information on their computers, from financial records to family photos to that novel they've spent the past year working on but haven't gotten around to backing up on disk for the last five chapters. To lose it all like that. Well, at least he came out of it unscathed. So far.

*Note-I just submitted Fordham and Temple tonight also. Temple's online application process was somewhat peculiar. And Fordham requires a 5-7 page writing sample. Ah well, it's all paid and there's only a few more to go!

DOMESTIC DAY


Sunday is officially Domestic Day in my little world. Today I did laundry, made my bed, and even baked a pie! Sundays are often domestic days so I decided to make it an official, personal weekly holiday. I will celebrate weekly with some sort of baked dessert. Usually my roommates are out somewhere so I'm completely alone and I can carry on with NPR or music loud on the stereo, the place always needs cleaning, and I often don't feel like going out. The wonderful thing about housework is that it's easy, contemplative, and relaxing, and it makes me feel accomplished when it's done. Today is especially beautiful thanks to the snowfall last night, but it's warm enough that I'm not frozen in my apartment, which happened all day yesterday. I have to get to my college apps today, and I will do so with a hot cup of tea, a warm sweater, and slice of pie. Yum.

There isn't much to write about my life lately other than these little things. I should be heading back to Michigan sometime around Christmas. The Opera gig ends the 22nd, so far, but there's a slight chance I could come back and work part-time, maybe even full-time... it all depends on funds. I need the job, but do they need me? They like me for moral support, that's for sure, but that means little to the superiors they need to petition for the new position. It's been severe down-time lately, though. I find myeslf completing only about an hour or two of work in my 8-hour day. I find that the less work I have to do, the harder it is to do it. I really have kick my own ass here, and look for real work to do, to prove I'm actually a useful and necessary addition to the team. I'll be sad to give up my nice little Lincoln Center job when it ends.

Maybe my pie is cool... mmmm