Bits and pieces...


Today is a beautiful new fall day. I love autumn. Usually I have a chance to celebrate autumn's equinox in some strange, romantic manner involving candles and creepy music, but this year it just crept up on me. Oh well, I vow to put together a Halloween costume in time for once.

My roommate suggested apple-picking and I thought it was a fine idea. I think he was kidding, but I sure wasn't.

This weekend I saw Corpse Bride and it was excellent. It's the first Tim Burton movie I could say is an all-around solid film. I wanted to watch it again and again.

Know what else is excellent? Beck's new album. I'm listening to it right now. Wow. I'm so sad that Beck is a Scientologist because now I cannot idealize him. Way to destroy my fantasies, Beck, thanks. But thank you thank you thank you for the music. It's good enough for me to forgive you for believing in your weird cultish religion.

I hope this doesn't sound too much like stereotyping, but I really dig Asian guys. I know a lot of white guys have some Asian women fetish and I think I can understand to an extent (as long as it has nothing to do with subservience and everything to do with looks). But the hot ones... they have these lovely dark eyes and great skin and their hair is so perfectly black. When some hot Asian man has great hair... I'd better stop now.

Now, I have a boyfriend who is not Asian, and I find him sexy as hell.

Now that y'all have seen my shallow side...

Know what else I like? Reading. Time to go be leisurely.

Over and out.

Things I learned about chickens last weekend:

1. They like to dig.
2. They love eating raw eggs. My theory on this: because chickens regularly lay unfertile eggs, their love of eggs developed as a means to dispose of these otherwise useless eggs. Otherwise, it's just kinda weird.
3. They also like corn. They will eat pancakes, but they won't like them as much.
4. You can tell how much a chicken likes something by how vigorously it pecks its food.
5. They are pretty dumb, but not completely empty-headed. They do learn a few things, albeit not much and it usually has to do with food.
6. Chickens appear "happier" in an environment where there is dirt and grass, a place to roost or perch, and a place to lay eggs as opposed to a cramp, closed environment with only hay and feed. Now, I don't claim to know what goes on in the head of a chicken, but I can tell you that this past weekend reaffirmed my decision to buy only free-range eggs.
7. Chickens smell really bad.
8. They are very nearly the perfect prey. It seems that a chicken who dies of old age or disease is a chicken's life wasted. This is coming from a vegetarian. Even so, I will not eat that awful mass-produced chicken. Disgusting. I'd rather raise and kill them myelf if I was going to eat them.

I also learned many other things this weekend. One of them was the mating behavior of giant slugs. I was fortunate enough to witness this slimly, slow display of hermaphroditic coupling. Yes, even hermaphroditic get to do it.

There's more: I learned how to tie a noose! Very important.

As a matter of fact, this weekend was quite educational. I did a lot of soul-searching and my mind was clear enough to come to some important conclusions. Why, now, was it so clear on set rather than in the city? Perhaps it was the act of "getting away" and finding some perspective. Also, I felt so damn good for once, just by the act of having a good time, and feeling good helps a person gain perspective. Otherwise one's mind can be muddled by negative thoughts. Upon my return, I was able to see New York and my neighborhood through loving eyes again. I'd forgotten what it was like to feel so good about this place. I'm not going to go too deeply into my personal self-discovery here, but I will say that I'm on the right track despite the pain it's caused me over the past year. The Opera job made a huge impact; it's opened up my eyes to new possibilities, new options that I didn't know existed and had no idea I'd like. I also understand what it was about film production that I loved so much: mostly, it was the social aspect and the variety of jobs and locations. Well, you could say I knew that already, and I certainly did. But I didn't necessarily understand how that related to my "moving on" from film. Well, it gives me a good idea what I want to work for, to look for, and what makes me happy in life. Yet it's not the most important part. Rather, it's one of many important parts. I always feel like I'm not quite where I should be, because of my age or my work situation or whatever. That's just not true; I'm right where I need to be. I haven't reached stability or financial security (or really, the financial means to buy a new coat without giving myself an ulcer) or fulfillment in my career path. Yet I didn't even want that for a while. I wanted to explore and struggle and discover the world for myself before I got down to business. I don't like to be told what to do and often I need to discover my own way by my own damn self. That's what I'm doing. It's tough going but I'm glad about it right now... that's worlds better than even a month ago. Perhaps even weeks ago. Perhaps even before the movie. I almost didn't do this film; now I'm so glad I did. Funny how these things happen.

Oh, and prior to that, a friend of mine encouraged me to "have compassion for myself." This is essential. We need to learn how to forgive ourselves, because otherwise it is nearly impossible for us to move forward.

From chickens to this. Yeah, it all makes sense. Time to publish this post.

Okay so I'm not doing so well on the complaining thing. I've realised, though, that oftentimes complaining is a luxury reserved for people in generally decent situations who are irritated that things aren't exactly right. Although sometimes it's just because you have a headache and someone is really pissing you off. But in extreme circumstances, complaining probably seems a lot more... trivial. I don't know.

Oh by the way, I didn't take the film job. I'll be temping at the New York Opera instead. I'll let you know how that turns out, too.