I'd like y'all to know it's freaking HOT in my room. So hot, in fact, that until now I quarantined myself in my living room because that's where the air conditioner is. As a result I ended up watching much more tv than I ought, and while watching the evening news I noticed something funny: all of the ads were pharma ads. Well, pharma, or some sort of drug-like item. There were commercials for prescription allergy drugs, sleep aids, itch creams, eye drops, nasal sprays, and pain pills. When there wasn't an overt drug commercial the advertisers were peddling coffee as a means to keep us awake, and we all learned in grade school that caffeine is in fact a drug. Now maybe the target audience for the 6 o'clock network news are the elderly, or the allergy-ridden, but I couldn't help but feel a bit creepy, not to mention a bit wimpy. Do we really need all of these drugs to maintain a happy, healthy life? And how happy and healthy are we when we're pumping ourselves full of chemicals and paying for them up the nose? Are pharmaceuticals making such a huge profit from their price-gouging that they can all afford expensive marketing campaigns? (Believe me, I know how much these national ads can cost. They are not cheap!). Now, I like modern medicine for the most part. I feel it's done many people a great deal of good, myself included. Yet this Western World seems hell-bent on giving us more and more expensive band-aids for our ailments! Thank god there are people out there promoting healthy lifestyles, good food, and a holistic approach to basic healthcare. We need more of that. In the meantime, though, there will be more and more medications for every minor ailment one can think of. I worry, though, what will become of a drugged-up people?
On a personal note: Lately I've begun to feel a bit over-medicated. I take birth control for obvious reasons: Pill #1. I'm currently taking an antibiotic for a UTI that appeared, without symptom, during a routine checkup: Pill #2 (this is important, I think, because UTI's can get into kidneys and cause serious illness. Yet would my immune system have killed it had I not gone for that checkup? I'll never know). I had a headache the other day and took 2 tylenol: Pill #3. And just last week my doctor prescribed for me Zoloft, and although I've started taking it I've decided to stop: Pill #4, until now. Part of the reason I decided to stop was because I felt three or more pills were just too many for a supposedly healthy 26-year-old. Not to mention the fact that Zoloft has been around for only 10 years, and that's not long enough to know what long-term effects it may have on the brain. That, and I'm afraid of losing my libido, I think sleep is good for mental well-being (it causes insomnia), and I don't want to be dependent on a drug that is optional. Thing is, you have to wean yourself off of Zoloft and it can cause withdrawal symptoms. Furthermore, it's expensive. If it comes down to it I'll take it, but if not, then no thank you.

My Crazy Dream

So now that I have a blog, I can blog about all the crazy dreams I have and they are plenty. You don't have to read. The other night I had a dream that I met a blogger that I like who is anonymous on her blog. Upon meeting her I found her to be a short, gorgeous Latina woman named Carla. Not the person I'd thought she'd be, but it was almost better this way. She had a husband named Darren and a young child (the child was sometimes a girl, sometimes a boy, so I will hereby refer to him/her as Androgynous Child). Darren had been in a horrible accident and was now a quadriplegic. He only had movement in his head. One day Carla was trying to hold him up when she accidentally snapped off his head. He was still alive, though, basically because his head was the only part of him that had been alive previously (his body was already dead- in my dream- c'mon I know that's not how it really works!). So for a while Darren existed only as a head, and was able to carry on with the family. It was sweet, if tragic. Then through a miracle of modern science Darren was given a robotic body and could move about, although in a robotic fashion. The one very tragic part of the dream occurred when the child, AC, was playing with Darren when she stopped and said, "Daddy, you have gangrene on your face!" It then occurred to him that he was decaying alive.
So sad.

About perspective:
Remember college? Those were days when we could get away with not knowing what we wanted to be when we grew up. I honestly feel that I went to college to learn, to have experiences, to grow, to develop, and not necessarily to train for the “real world,” although I wanted a little bit of training, because I didn’t want to be essentially where I am now. Yet when graduation day came along the pursuit of knowledge fell behind the pursuit of a living, that’s where my problems began. On one level I feel that my work should be my source of pride, identity, and fulfillment although on another, idealistic level, I know that is no way to truly measure myself. I should try to find meaning in my life in my actions, my relationships, and my passions (outside work), and I am taking steps to fully realizing this. It’s hard, though. It’s very hard, when the outside world places a value on your head in terms of salary and in terms of position. If that’s the case then I’m virtually worthless to the world. I haven’t felt worthless, though, until recently. That’s what I’m trying to change: my perspective. Perspective first, and hopefully the rest will follow. In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what the hell to do now for work. I’m still learning, I’m still creating (though it’s spotty), I’m still maintaining relationships (again, spotty), I’m even volunteering. But it’s that work, that money, that “reality” that hangs over my head constantly.

On another note: score one for the tenants vs. landlords! We’ve had this leak in our apartment since, oh, before we moved in more than a year ago. The leak comes from under our bathroom on the third floor. The landlords will not fix the leak; instead, they patch up the holes caused by water damage. Last fall we had mosquitoes through November. November! There is no reason to have mosquitoes for that long indoors when they are long dead outdoors. This was undoubtedly due to standing water. Well, when I saw that the leak had punched a huge hole in the FIRST FLOOR CEILING (remember, this is coming from the first floor), I called HPD. They labeled it an emergency violation and ordered the landlords to fix the leak. The landlords bullied me a bit, and then proceeded to patch up the hole without fixing the leak. Well, HPD came back to check up on the progress, and when we showed them what happened, they agreed to fix the problem in 1-2 weeks at the expense of the apartment! Well, landlords will now probably find some way to keep our deposit because they hate us so much, but hell, I hear too many stories of crumbling buildings to let this go. Score one for us! Well, maybe. We’ll see if they even get to it. Here’s hoping…

For some reason I had my comments set to "only registered users." That's changed now. Sorry 'bout that.

New Blogroll...

So I just started a little blogroll over there on the side of the page. For reading pleasure.

In other news: Part of the pain of unemployment/freelancing is the fact that I can never leave. A. because I don't want to spend the money, and B. because as soon as I make plans to leave, a job inevitably presents itself, and I need to take it because I need the money. This month an old friend of mine is getting married and I desperately want to go to the wedding. Desperately want to go to a wedding?! Yes, I do, and no, it's not going to be a big affair but rather a nice little backyard BBQ, weather permitting. But it's an important event and I'd like to be there, also because I haven't seen him in nearly a year and I've met her only once. Yet, I have no jobs for July so far, I'm draining my cash, and I know that when I book that ticket I will get that phone call saying "hey, are you available for (exactly the dates you plan to be away)?" Sigh.

Motivation, damnit. The other day I was ready to write a novel, and since then I've felt like a big lump of lazy. Maybe it's the heat, or maybe it's because the other day I was hyped up on caffine. Hmmm... cup of coffee?
Anyhow, the other day I saw Vera Drake for the first time. Yeah, I was bit late on that one, but I felt it was appropriate given the current Supreme Court situation. It was a chilling account of days past and an even more frightening warning about the future. I especially appreciated the films' focus on class, on the family, and on the individual women Vera "helped out." Oh, and the acting on all parts was phenomenal, especially Imelda Staunton. So, so good.
I should be doing something more constructive with my time right now, though. Like, um, looking for a job?

Not again...
My heart goes out to London. Another reason to feel sad and angry and just a little bit vulnerable. I'd write more, but there's nothing more I can say.

Yay! London won the 2012 Olympics! I know, I know, I live in New York so I should have been cheering for the home team, right? I'll admit, my boyfriend made a good case for the games in NY... that it can bring revenue to the city, repair the subways, clean the streets, all this stuff we need and New Yorkers would only have to sacrifice a few weeks of their lives. Same goes for any of the cities though, all of them need repair in some way or another, and I think NY will do alright on its own. It's economy is still strong, and yeah the MTA is in some shit at the moment but the transportation system is not exactly lacking, what with all the people who don't need to own a vehicle and can still travel all over this gargantuan city. It did great things for Atlanta, but Atlanta was in much worse shape than New York and needed the bid ever so much more. And hey, the Olymipic push was enough to spark some development already, along with some controversy (West Side Stadium, anyone?). Yet American cities have already hosted 7 Olympics since 1876... I know we Americans don't like to share or anything, but the London choice seems a little bit more, dare I say it, fair. Oh, and I'm also glad it didn't go to France. I'm not easily offended when politicians accidently say what they're really thinking, but Chirac was just a little too nasty for my tastes. Congrats London!

Okay, so I realize that I'm a little bit of a latecomer to the blogger party, but here I am. Fashionably late, perhaps? Or just behind the times? (I'd like to believe the former, but I'd only be fooling myself). The truth is I merely had lots of free time and a computer at my disposal. If you care to read this, thank you. "So, why blogging, why now?" you are, of course, dying to know. I blog for many reasons: to sort myself out, to share with the world, to hopefully take part in the rich and insightful online discussions that I've been reading for months. A bit of history: I encountered my first blog maybe 2-3 years ago. It belonged (belongs) to my computer-literate friend and within the realm of technology she has always been years ahead of the rest of my gang. (Note: by "gang" I mean my friends, because I am not actually part of a gang.) Annnnyyyyywaaaayyyy... I couldn't figure out why anyone would want to read anyone's personal journal on the web and didn't give it much thought after that. Then a few years later blogs are everywhere, people seem to be reading them, and they are actually interesting! So of course, I think "wow, maybe that IS a good idea. Too bad I have no time for it and I don't even know what blogs to read." Then I did a temp job for a month, found myself with more free time in front of a computer screen than I'd ever thought possible, started following links, got inspired, and here I am. And that, my friends, is the story of my first blog.